


Epiphany

by Okaypeachy



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Resident!Sarah, Stuck up surgeon Ava
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okaypeachy/pseuds/Okaypeachy
Summary: “What a bitch.” Was all Sarah could breathe out as she watched doctor Bekker’s retreating form. She cringed inwardly, not daring to look up at doctor Rhodes who was still looking at her passively. Arms crossed over his chest. She just knocked a world class surgeon on her ass and insulted her in the same breath. Not minding the fact that doctor Bekker’s friend was standing right there. Another world class surgeon for that matter.”Ava doesn’t like Sarah very much. Sarah would say the same about her.
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Sarah Reese
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Epiphany

Moments like this reminded her of why she wasn’t cut out to be a doctor. Not one who should interact with patients anyway. She could feel Connor’s supposedly comforting presence behind her as she faced another set of parents whose kid didn’t make it. Whose kid died on her table. Car crash it was, this time. They had been the ones behind the wheel and the kid hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt. You can fill in the rest. She chanced a glance behind her as the parents looked at her with bated breaths. No means of escape if Connor’s demeanor was anything to go by. He definitely wasn’t letting her off the hook this time. 

She steeled her face and went in for the kill; which is what it was after all. Faintly remembering doctor Charles’ words when she was just another resident. “Be direct. Make them feel like you understand.” She didn’t of course. That was just another lie they had to tell themselves. 

“I’m very sorry to say this but Jimmy didn’t make it. His injuries were too severe and we weren’t able to repair the damage to his heart.” She finally said bowing her head. 

To this day she was never able to look them in the eye. She knew what was coming next; the screaming, crying, questions “How could this happen? Why couldn’t you fix him?”. However what the parents in front of her were doing now was even worse. Dead silence. She glanced up to gauge their reaction but was only met with baffled stares. 

The aftermath was something no one could ever prepare you for. The silence seemed to stretch on forever and she knew she needed to say something else, could feel Connor’s stare burn into her back. “I understand this must come as a very big shock to you and it’s okay if you need some time to process. My colleague here will be available to answer any questions you may have.” She said, wringing her hands together. It was the best she could come up with. Handing it off to Connor. She would owe him for this. 

“Here let me escort you to a different room, maybe get some coffee. Let it all sink in for a bit.” He said smoothly, touching the mother’s shoulder gently to lead them out of the room. Casting a solemn glance at her as he walked them out. 

Alone at last, she backed against the nearest wall and silently sank to the floor. Using one hand to cover her mouth and stifle the sob she was trying to keep in. In the distance she heard the mother come to her senses. Breath shuddering at the agonizing “I want to see my boy” that was screamed along the hallways. She felt the walls closing in on her, lungs burning from the effort not to go into a full blown panic attack. She would never be good at this. Patients didn’t die on her table often but when they did, it always ended like this. With her on the floor somewhere.

After what felt like ages she finally gained the strength to get up. Surprised that her pager hadn’t gone off once and no one had bothered her. She probably had Connor to thank for that. Not that she would. Wiping away the traces of make-up on her face she schooled her features as she walked out of the room and was immediately met with a face full of dark curls. Sputtering as she fell on her ass she heard a nervous voice above her call out “Oh my god, doctor Bekker. I am so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going because I’m all wrapped up in this case and I-“. 

“Save it.” She cut the girl off, raising her hand to silence her. “And get out of my way, I have other matters to attend to.” She sneered, getting up and facing whatever incompetent resident wasn’t watching where she was going this time. She was met with worried brown eyes frantically searching her face. She hoped to god those tear stains weren’t covering her cheeks anymore. 

“I’m sorry again, doctor Bekker, but I actually needed you for something.” The girl said, misplaced resolve covering her tone, tilting her chin up defiantly. Whoever she was, she was too stubborn for her own good. 

“And who are you again, may I ask?” A sickly sweet tone crept into her voice. This girl was on thin ice and she didn’t even know it yet. Normally Connor would be the one to warn the new residents of her but he hadn’t gotten to this one yet.

“Sarah, doctor Sarah Reese. I’m the new ED resident.” Sarah’s resolve seemed to be wavering because the eyes once so unbashedly scanning her face were now glued to the floor. Her cheeks had a pink hue to them and her hands were nervously tapping the tablet she was holding. She almost felt sorry for the girl withering under her stare. Almost.

“So what does that have to do with me, Miss Reese?” Purposely dropping the title and still keeping up the sugary sweet voice. She was getting impatient but Sarah Reese didn’t need to know it yet. She would in a second anyway if this beating around the bush was going to go on much longer. 

“Well, you see doctor Bekker, I wanted to ask you about the little boy you operated on this morning. Jimmy?” 

She froze. “What about him?” 

She could see Sarah biting the inside of her cheek. Carefully measuring what to say next. “I guess it’s silly but I wanted to ask how it went. He’s the first patient I’ve treated in the ED and I was just curious.” Her words slowly trailing off at the end, brows growing increasingly furrowed. 

She didn’t know what to say. Staring into Sarah Reese’s hopeful eyes she felt another flame slowly dying inside of her. The one next to the flame she had burning for Jimmy and Connor and doctor Charles. “I, I-“ she stuttered.

“Ava!” She jumped at the sound of her own name. Quickly turning around to see Connor stalking her way. He came to a halt in front of her, reading her face carefully. 

“I need your opinion on my patient in room three. Wrap up what you’ve got going on with Reese here and let’s go.” She could see in his face that this was an out. Connor would never talk to her like this in front of a resident and he was playing up the theatrics to get her out of the conversation. She wanted to thank whoever was up there for all that Connor did for her. She would never thank him but sometimes she did thank them. 

“As you can see, Miss Reese, I have other matters to attend to.” She choked out. “Next time I urge you not to bother me with your petty inquiries. Ask a nurse.” With that she turned on her heel and left Connor with an undoubtedly confused Sarah Reese behind her. 

“What a bitch.” Was all Sarah could breathe out as she watched doctor Bekker’s retreating form. She cringed inwardly, not daring to look up at doctor Rhodes who was still looking at her passively. Arms crossed over his chest. She just knocked a world class surgeon on her ass and insulted her in the same breath. Not minding the fact that doctor Bekker’s friend was standing right there. Another world class surgeon for that matter. 

“That’s a pretty daring statement to make doctor Reese. Care to share what you were talking about that made you feel that way about her?” He asked her. If his tone was anything to go by, he wasn’t mad at her yet. 

“Well.. first I knocked doctor Bekker onto the ground as she was coming out of the staff room. Then she tried to dismiss me while I was trying to apologize and got even more icy when I tried to ask her about the boy you just worked on in surgery.” She rambled out. “I was just worried about him.” She added in a small voice.

Doctor Rhodes sighed beside her. “I know Ava can come across as a bit stoic sometimes but you’ll do very well to remember that she’s human too and she would do anything for her patients.” 

“I think that’s what all of us are here to do doctor Rhodes.” Another daring statement. “I just don’t understand what it is that I did. It’s only my first day in the ED and I’ve already pissed off one of the best surgeons in this hospital. It just feels like the odds are stacked against me.” Her hand came up to rub her temple. She was exhausted already.

“Try not to be too hard on yourself Reese.” He said, patting her shoulder. “And try not to be too hard on others either. We’ve all got things going on that make us lash out sometimes. If you want Ava to be compassionate towards you, try showing her some compassion first.” Doctor Rhodes smiled at her as he walked away.

As if doctor Bekker leaving her confused hadn’t been enough, doctor Rhodes had to swoop in and make it worse. She shook her head to get rid of the cobwebs. Show compassion? That’s what she’d been trying to do! Doctor Bekker should be the one apologizing to her.

She knew she must’ve looked completely lost in the middle of the hallway, scowling at the ground. Patients and nurses rushing past. Only when someone knocked a shoulder against her was she shaken out of her thoughts. Right, she was on her way to pathology to deliver some labs for a patient that had been presenting conflicting symptoms. Headache, fatigue, general malaise but nothing had shown up on her MRI. She ran the symptoms through her mind over and over as she was making her way to pathology.

Dropping labs off was probably one of the things she’d be doing a lot the upcoming weeks. She was just a first year resident after all. She had been allowed to put in a couple of IVs and a central line when Jimmy had first come in. The high pressure and constant hustle of the ED were not for her. She’d fumbled her first IVs, only Jimmy’s central line had gone in smoothly. She probably would end up in pathology herself, she thought, plopping the bloodwork down onto the counter. “I’ll need a complete work up on this stat.” She’d never grow tired of saying that. 

She smiled at the scowling lady behind the counter as she walked off again. Her shift was almost coming to an end but something still wasn’t sitting right. Thoughts of doctor Bekker’s slight bloodshot eyes crossing her mind. She wasn’t blind after all. She just hadn’t worked up the courage to ask her about them, wasn’t sure it was her place for that matter. Before she’d been able to say anything doctor Bekker had dismissed her anyway. Any clarity on Jimmy’s case hadn’t been given to her either. She’d have to remember to ask Maggie once she got down to the ED.

The moment she came out of the elevator she was immediately flanked by April. April had been the one showing her around the ED when she’d come in that morning and she’d grown quite fond of her already. She seemed very capable and she could already tell she was a force to be reckoned with. Taking the tablet she was holding out of her hands and pushing a new one into them, April took her by the elbow and dragged her along towards one of the treatment rooms. 

“Girl, what took you so long? Pathology is only two floors up. Did you get lost or something?” She said. 

“Well, I-“ before she could finish her sentence she was cut off. 

“Nevermind that.” April said, shoving her towards the sliding door. “A 65 year old gentleman with a persistent cough and chest pain is waiting for you behind that curtain. Good luck.” She put her thumbs up for good measure and with that April was off again. 

She could do this. Last of the day. Lucky for her, diagnosing the gentleman was easy enough. After a short history and a chest x-ray it turned out it was a case of severe pneumonia. Unfortunate of course, but nothing too complicated. Reporting her findings to doctor Manning and discussing a couple of treatment options she was finally free to go. 

She didn’t need to be told twice. Rushing towards the staff room to grab her bag and her thick coat, she’d never get used to Chicago winters, she was finally ready to go. Before she knew it she was saying goodbye to April, wishing her luck for the rest of her shift and getting a goodbye in return. Just as she was about to walk out the door to her car she remembered that she still hadn’t asked Maggie about Jimmy’s case. Determined to find out she turned on her heel and went back inside, finding Maggie at the nurses station.

“Aren’t you getting off, Reese?” Maggie asked her, sitting behind her computer. Probably typing up the 100th patient chart of the day.

“Yes in a minute, Maggie. I just wanted to say bye and thank you for taking care of me on my first day.” 

Maggie paused her typing to smile up at her. “That’s nice of you, Sarah. You know we’re all here to help. Is there anything you need before you leave?”

She hadn’t known how to approach the subject so Maggie’s question came as a welcome surprise. “Actually, yes. I was just thinking about that little boy I treated that had gotten into a car crash.”

Maggie looked up at her. “Jimmy was his name right? Always tough when one of your patients doesn’t make it. Especially one so young. Is that what you wanted to talk about?” She asked looking at her with pity. 

Sarah stiffened. Didn’t make it? The cogs in her head started turning. She had seen him come into the ED and when she left him after treating his initial injuries, he had been stable enough to go up to the OR. Somewhere along the way things had apparently gone very wrong for Jimmy. 

“What do you mean didn’t make it? When he left the ED he was pretty stable.” Her baffled stare was enough for Maggie to realize her mistake.

“Oh Sarah, I’m sorry. I thought you knew. Doctor Bekker and doctor Rhodes worked on him for a long time but once they took him off the heart-lung machine they couldn’t get his heart pumping on its own.” Maggie pulled out the chair next to her. “Here Sarah, take a seat.” She said patting the seat.

“No thanks Maggie, I’m alright. I, I just didn’t expect it” she paused. “I think I’m just going to go home now. Thank you for telling me.” She felt dazed walking through the doors of the ED, suddenly the things that had happened that day made a lot more sense. Doctor Bekker’s bloodshot eyes, her unexplained icy-ness and doctor Rhodes words all flashing through her mind. 

She’d read up on all the lead surgeons in the hospital before starting her ED residency and doctor Bekker was one of the very best. She must not lose patients very often if her attitude was anything to go by. Sarah knew that she was making assumptions about doctor Bekker but something about Ava made her want to excuse her behavior. Doctor Rhodes’ words echoing in her mind. She was determined to clear things up next time she saw her.

Just as she was about to open her car door she glanced over the roof of her car to see doctor Bekker making her way through the parking lot. She looked absolutely exhausted and worn down from the day clearly lost in thought. Sarah looked down at her hand clutching the door handle and made up her mind before turning around and swiftly making her way towards her. 

Ava’s back was turned to her and she was rumaging through her purse for her car keys. Sarah probably looked like an idiot coming to a stop only a couple of feet behind her, wringing her hands together. She was hyping herself up and just as she was about to say something, she heard doctor Bekker’s voice cut through her thoughts. 

“Is there something I can help you with or are you just going to stand there and gawk at me.” She said without turning around. 

Sarah’s face flushed red as she stood there with her mouth half open. Willing herself to say something. This had seemed like such a good idea three seconds ago but right now she’d like for the ground to swallow her whole. To her horror Doctor Bekker turned her way and was now impatiently tapping her foot on the concrete. Arms clutched tight in front of her chest. 

“Well, I, uhm.. I just wanted to apologise again.. for knocking you over this afternoon and uhm..” She really should’ve thought this through more before making a fool of herself again. She was a doctor for god’s sake. Pull yourself together Sarah. “And?” Doctor Bekker was still waiting for her to say something, her eyebrows raised and an unreadable expression on her face. 

“And I heard what happened to Jimmy.” She sighed “I’m very sorry for bothering you about it. I know you must have a lot going on already. I just didn’t know.” She was finally able to get out. 

Doctor Bekker’s stood there looking at her for a while, her face unreadable, though she could’ve sworn she had seen it soften a bit when she mentioned Jimmy. Convinced doctor Bekker wasn’t going to respond she made a move to turn away but just as she was about to leave she heard doctor Bekker clear her throat. She chanced a hopeful look at her face, though still half expecting Ava to reprimand her for bothering her once again. She was surprised to see doctor Bekker’s face look a bit downcast. Maybe sad even? Was it just her or did her eyes suddenly look a bit more reflective in the parking lot’s fluorescent lights?

“I- uhm. I appreciate you apologizing to me again but I must assure you, you have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to you.” Ava’s face looked just as surprised as Sarah felt hearing those words. She hadn’t expected doctor Bekker to even respond to her let alone apologize herself. Before she had a chance to respond, she heard the click of Ava’s car door opening and closing. 

Ava rolled her window down, a sad smile on her face. “Have a good night, doctor Reese. I do hope to see you around.” And with that she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed.  
> Big thanks to @punksarahreese on tumblr for helping me make this somewhat coherent.


End file.
